Can't Forget You
by Carrie6
Summary: Post Diwali. JimPam
1. Respectable

Can't Forget You

By Carrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: This is set right after Diwali. It's a little Jim/Karen in the beginning, but come on, it's all about Jim and Pam. Enjoy, and please review so I know if I should keep going!

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Chapter 1: Respectable

Jim awoke to an unfamiliar clamoring coming from the kitchen. _Wait,_ he thought, prying one eye open. _Not his_ kitchen. He groaned and slowly peeled himself off the couch. He was still fully dressed in his sweat-stained work clothes from yesterday. His head was pounding and the echo of Jaeger still stung the back of his throat. In other words, he felt like death.

"'Morning," Karen called from the kitchen.

He ran his hands through his hair and braced himself to stand. Stretching out his tall frame, he lumbered into the kitchen. He took a seat at one of the bar stools and stared at Karen. "This is entirely unfair. How come I feel like this," he gestured to his rumpled clothes and eyes he was sure were bloodshot, "And you are…fine?" He said, taking in her freshly ironed work clothes and shiny hair.

She laughed. "Because you are a little girl who can't hold her liquor, and I…" she hesitated before taking pity on him, "dumped all my shots into the trashcan," she said sheepishly before sliding a mug over to him.

Jim's eyes widened, "You didn't! I knew it! I _knew_ you were up to something." He nodded a thanks as he took a sip of his coffee. "Sneaky…very sneaky," he chuckled.

"Well only you and Andy are brilliant enough to take 12 Jaeger shots with no ride home in sight. Oh and I so enjoyed your little performance last night. You guys put the Indigo Girls to shame."

"Really?" he shook his head and laughed, not wanting to get into why he knew any Indigo Girls songs. "So how was it that I ended up crashing on your couch? Thanks, by the way," he added.

"Anytime," she said, smiling widely. "Well, after you _bit it_ trying to ride your bike home, I decided to take pity on you and drive you home. Only you passed out in the back and couldn't tell me where you lived. Has anyone ever told you that you're a very pathetic drunk?"

"Yes actually," he groaned and rested his head on the counter, "many people."

She turned around and popped some bread in the toaster. She glanced at her watch. "So, it is 7:15. Would you like a ride to your place or did you want to…_bike?_"

"Hey!" Jim exclaimed, mock-offended. "Don't say it like that. I'll have you know I am saving money _and_ getting exercise by biking. You're just jealous."

"You're right. I am jealous. I wish I could come into work looking and smelling like a dog," she teased. "I guess I'll just have to go like this." She shrugged and grabbed the toast and gestured to Jim, "Want some?"

"Definitely, thanks."

She smiled and put a plate in front of him. He watched her move around the kitchen, getting butter and jam from the fridge, putting more bread in the toaster. He really _had_ grown to like her. She was a little intense sometimes, but he knew that she liked him. They'd been flirting – building the foundation for a relationship, but he couldn't help but compare their every interaction to he and Pam.

Maybe it was because for so long Pam was off limits, that they had become friends. Not a day went by that he hadn't loved having her as his friend, and not a day went by that he didn't wish they'd become something more. With Karen, he was very aware of the fact that he was trying to build a friendship, and she was trying to start something else He worried, though, that if they continued down this road, he might find himself dating her.

"Do you want anything else?" He voice knocked him out of his thoughts.

"No, thanks. I should probably get home and change. Maybe look presentable for work today?"

"Want a ride?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

The ride to his house was fine—quiet because he was still hung-over. She asked him if he liked his neighborhood, it was alright. She asked him what kind of music he wanted to listen to, he didn't care. He felt bad that he didn't have much to say to her because he knew she was trying. _Trying, _he thought.

Maybe that was the problem. With Karen, she was making a genuine effort to attract him. She was great – no doubt, but he knew Pam was great without her having to show him.

He groaned and put his head in his hands. He felt awful for holding it against Karen that she was pursuing him. He should be flattered. He should just go with it. When he gets out of the car, he should thank her profusely for saving his life, letting him crash on her couch, and driving him home and then ask her if she wants to go to dinner this weekend. He should just bite the bullet and do it.

"You okay? I warned you last night – no puking." She was looking over at him, concerned.

He sat up. "Yeah I'm good. Oh, it's this street, on the left."

They pulled into his driveway and Jim prepared himself. "So, even though you cheated on Order Form Consolidation Shot Night, I'm gonna let it slide since you, you know, saved my life and stuff."

"That's very generous of you, thanks. And you'll keep my little indiscretion a secret?" she laughed.

"Only if you'll keep my low tolerance a secret."

"Oh come on, don't feel bad. 12 Jaeger shots – that's definitely respectable," she appeased him.

His heart gave a lurch. _Respectable. _Suddenly he was not in the car with Karen, but on the phone with Pam talking about typing speeds. He heard her laugh – _that's respectable. _He knew then that it wasn't the time to do anything with Karen. Maybe he was just chickening out – but in his alcohol/Pam induced haze, his head was way too cloudy to figure anything out right now. He couldn't possibly ask Karen out when the only thing on his mind was Pam.

"Okay, well I will see you in," he looked at his watch, "crap—40 minutes. Hopefully." He opened the door and eased out of the car. "Thanks again, for everything. You have a very comfy couch." He felt bad about the sad smile that came to Karen's face – he'd seen it before and he knew he'd probably see it again.

"No problem, see you later."

They said their goodbyes and Jim waved from his doorstep as she started to drive away. Inside his house he took a deep breath and tried to figure out all he had to do. He emptied his pockets onto the counter and it was only then that he saw he had a new text message.

From Pam.

He took a shaky breath and read it.

_You are the ONLY one who will understand this: I am at a traditional Indian celebration where Michael has just gotten up on stage and proposed to Carol. The sad thing is, I'm not even sure she knew they were dating. Your thoughts?_

He laughed at the ridiculousness of it all and pictured the exact expression of pity and hilarity that would have been on Pam's face. He almost wished he was back in Scranton.

He looked at the time stamp which read 10:42pm. Where was he then? Passed out at his desk? In Karen's car? On her couch? He fought the surge of guilt that accompanied that thought. He had _nothing _to feel guilty about.

He stripped off his clothes and walked into the bathroom, turning the shower on as hot as it could go. The water soothed his sore muscles, but could do nothing for his thoughts. He liked Stamford – he really did. Slightly less bizarre people, more money, better opportunities – he couldn't complain. But every time he started to be content with his new life, or—God forbid—move on, Pam found a way to sneak back into his life.

For a moment he felt angry. He was mad at her for not letting him get over her. Did she really think that they were going to be friends now? After everything that had happened, she couldn't possibly think they'd just pick up where they left off.

He knew he was being ridiculous. Pam wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just being herself, and he couldn't help it if he loved her.

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Please review! Let me know if I should keep going -- I'll appreciate any feedback you can give me!


	2. Is This Friendship?

Can't Forget You

By Carrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Thanks for the review, guys! They're awesome and the keep me going!!

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Chapter 2: Is this Friendship?

The clock ticked cruelly slowly as Pam tried to get through yet another day at Dunder Mifflin. The office was slightly more alive with gossip of last night's Diwali drama, but she had little else to keep her occupied. Currently, she was counting how many times Dwight and Angela went to the break room to speak to each other from opposite sides. Only two so far, but it was only—she glanced at her watch and inwardly groaned—10:15.

What was making this day even more painful than others was the fact that Jim had yet to respond to her text. She knew there could be a million reasons why, but she couldn't help but feel anxious.

As if on cue, her cell phone started vibrating across the desk with Jim's name popping up on the LCD. She flipped it open, then, spotting Michael coming out of his office, quickly said "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

"Do you always answer you cell phone like that or just for me?"

She paused for a second as Michael rounded the corner towards the elevators, then laughed softly. "No, sorry. Michael was here and I thought that maybe if I answered 'Dunder Mifflin' he wouldn't notice it was my cell."

"I see. Clever plan there, Beesley."

"Thanks. Luckily, I think he's still a little traumatized from last night," she said, looking for a sign of whether he'd gotten her message.

"Ah, yes. That's the reason I'm calling. I got your text this morning," he said.

"Not until this morning? Late night, Halpert?" she asked, dreading that she wasn't going to like the answer.

He laughed. "Sort of. Do you want the exciting story or the real story?"

"The exciting one, definitely," she chose.

"Well, I was leaving work last night when I heard this child screaming. It was coming across the street so, naturally, I went in search of the wayward lass," Jim began.

"Naturally," Pam quipped, already laughing.

"Yes, so, what do I see when I get over there, but that giant gorilla that escaped from the zoo hovering over this little girl. At first I didn't know what to do, but luckily, my instincts, combined with years of kara_te_ training from Dwight allowed me to successfully fight off the beast and save the little girl," he finished.

"Wow, that is a great story. So how did that prevent you from getting my text until this morning?" she asked.

"Well, as you can imagine, everyone wants to talk to the hero. The rest of my night was pretty much filled with interviews, bookings to be on Oprah, offers of riches and loose women – the usual."

Pam laughed loudly and was afraid she was attracting some attention in the office. "Wow. What a night. And I thought mine was eventful."

"Right, so tell me what happened. Are we going to hear wedding bells soon?"

"Unlikely," Pam deadpanned. "Okay, so in a nutshell, after his very public proposal, Carol asked to speak in private and, I guess, said no. Michael then proceeds to try and _kiss _me and then ask for a ride home so we can play _Taxi Cab Confessions,"_ she rattled out, taking a deep breath.

"Michael tried to _kiss_ you?" he asked, stunned.

"Oh yeah. Most uncomfortable moment of my life."

"You're making this up. You're just trying to compete with my gorilla story. No way did Michael Scott try to kiss you."

"I'm not!" she almost shouted. "I'm not making it up. We were just sitting on the steps outside when all of the sudden I look over and see closed eyes and pursed lips coming towards me! I totally _freaked_ out." All she could hear coming from the phone was Jim's throaty laughter. She loved that sound. "You have to believe me. I can't keep reliving it. It was _terrible_."

More laughter. "Okay, okay, I believe you. Wow. Michael the ladies man. Just fantastic…" he trailed off and she could still hear the smile in his voice.

"Okay, so now that I've told you, I can erase it from my memory forever. Do I get to hear what you were really doing last night?"

"Alright, if you really have to know, when you texted me last night I was most likely passed out on my desk," Jim answered warily.

"You had to work that late?"

Jim chuckled a little. "Sort of. The sales staff had to do order form consolidation last night—I know, awful—so Andy brought a bottle of Jaeger and had us doing shots and well, I didn't handle it so well." Pam laughed. "In fact, after waking up singing Indigo Girls songs, being offered to snuggle in Andy's 'roomy twin' air mattress, and completely wiping out on my bike, I think I can safely say I'm never drinking Jaeger again."

Pam was gasping for breath at this point. "Wait—you're riding a bike?"

"Um, yeah. My boss Josh does it so I thought I'd try," Jim said sheepishly.

Pam laughed. "And on your way to work, do you drop off newspapers for all your neighbors?"

"Ha-ha. You laugh, but you're just jealous. I'm saving money, helping the environment, and next time you see me," Jim lowered his voice, "I'll be all beefy," he teased.

Pam erupted into laughter, but her heart simultaneously sped up a little. She didn't know if it was the possibility of seeing Jim again or the thought of him being "beefy," but she was definitely feeling flushed. The deep timbre of his voice had awakened something in her and she felt a tightening in her stomach that she'd forgotten about.

"Well, uh, you've got me there," she recovered. She heard some commotion in the background and then his voice murmuring to someone she couldn't hear.

Coming back to the phone he said, "Hey Pam, I've got to go to a meeting, watch out for Michael. If he tries _anything_, let me know so I can come kick his ass."

She laughed, "Okay."

"Unless that's something you'd be interested in? In which case, let me know so I can come kick his ass."

"Wow, you really must be getting beefy with all these threats of ass-kicking."

"Oh you know it. Bye, Beesley."

"Bye, Jim." She hung up the phone and looked over at the break room. She smiled to herself as she saw Dwight and Angela having one of their "talks." She wrote "10:57" and put another check on her post-it labeled "Bobble-ball." She made a mental note to tell Jim about it later.

A good aspect of her job was that it required almost no skill and provided her with ample time to think. This was also a drawback seeing that she tended to over-think things she should just go for. Like Jim.

She really didn't know where she was going with their renewed communication. It felt just like their friendship before, but _she _felt different. His words didn't mean the same things now that she was single. _If this is friendship, _she thought,_ why does it feel so much like flirting? Is this how Jim felt before?_

She immediately felt horrible. For who knows how long, he'd been _in love_ with her and she thought she'd treated him as a friend. If he felt anything like she felt right now, it must have been torture, and she didn't even know _what_ she felt. Was this a crush? More? _Love?_ Did his heart speed up every time he heard her voice? Did his stomach bottom out at the thought of seeing her?

Her mind flashed back to every interaction they'd ever had. The shielded glances, inside jokes, softly spoken words, innocent touches. Had she known that there was more lurking under the surface? Feelings that only _she'd_ interpreted as friendship? How could she have been so blind not to see what they were really doing?

She wasn't blind. She'd known what was going on, she'd just chosen to ignore it. She ignored it for years until he made her see what they'd been doing all this time.

A rush of heat ran through her as she thought of their kiss on Casino Night. She could feel his hands on her back, his chest hard under her hands, his lips demanding as they took hers.

She got up from her seat and inconspicuously made her way over to the bathroom. She splashed cool water on her face and stared at her reflection as she dried off.

"What am I _doing_?" she quietly asked her reflection.

She'd never been this affected by a man before. Especially not just from a phone call and some innocent thoughts. _Okay, not so innocent._

She'd known for a long time that she should be with Jim, but after he moved to Stamford, she figured it wasn't meant to be. She'd meet someone else and forget about him. But she hadn't. If anything, she only wanted him more. It wasn't until they'd started talking again that she realized it wasn't just that she _should_ be with Jim, she _wanted_ to be with him.

For so long, she'd been doing things that she _should _do. When she'd called off the wedding, she'd turned over a new leaf. She was stronger and wiser and would start doing things that would make her happy. _Jim_ would make her happy. She was sure of it.

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TBC…? Review please!


	3. Bombshells

Can't Forget You

By Carrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Thanks everyone for reviewing! I appreciate it so much. Sorry this one took a few days, but I think there are going to be probably two more chapters and I'll try and post them before Thursday. Enjoy!

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Chapter 3: Bombshells

Jim sat in his meeting absentmindedly tapping his pen on the table. Josh was mentioning something abut the rules against alcohol consumption in the office. Apparently the cleaning crew had found Andy earlier this morning and weren't too happy.

He caught Karen's eye as she mouthed "How do you feel?" He motioned "so-so" with his hand and she smiled. For a moment Jim thought how nice it was to just have a normal friend in the office. _Friends_, he thought, like he and Pam had been friends?

Josh interrupted his thoughts as he changed subjects. "Okay, so I didn't want to have to drop this on you guys today, but I got a call from corporate. They're planning on finally taking decisive action with either closing this branch or Scranton."

There was murmuring around the table before Josh quieted everyone. "Okay, okay. I know that there's been talk of this for awhile, but now it's crunch time. We need to prove that we are much more capable of absorbing Scranton than they are us. The decision will be made in three weeks after presentations in New York."

Jim listened intently, shaking his head as he pictured Michael fumbling anxiously as he broke this news to the Scranton branch.

"Jim—" His attention snapped back as Josh called his name.

"Yeah," he replied.

"I want you to head up this project," Josh informed him.

"Really?"

"You have the most experience with Scranton," Josh explained. "You'll be able to construct the most convincing argument."

"Okay," he said, not really sure he was up to this. "Thank you."

Josh nodded. "We'll talk strategy after. I want to get started on this right away," he said in his typically authoritative, yet friendly way.

"Great," Jim said, wondering what this really meant.

Josh closed the meeting and beckoned Jim into his office. Two long hours later, Jim emerged feeling completely drained. He did have enough energy, however, to make a phone call.

A hundred a fifty miles away, Pam smiled as she recognized the area code that flashed on her phone. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim." Pam smiled again at how their relationship as finally through that awkward phase.

"Two phone calls in one day? What's the occasion?"

"Actually, this is a business call," Jim replied, "sort of."

"Okay…"

"I was just wondering if Michael had talked to you guys today," Jim asked vaguely.

"Well, unfortunately he has, but not about anything relevant," she joked. "Why? What's going on?"

"Corperate's going to make the decision about which branch is going to close."

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yeah. Presentations are December 5."

"Wow—soon. Michael hasn't said anything. What do you think is going to happen?"

"I have no idea. I'm coming next week though to talk to Michael," Jim told her.

"_You're_ coming?" She asked, confused.

"Yeah, on Monday. Josh put me in charge of convincing corporate that we can absorb you guys."

"Oh, so that's how it is," Pam said dauntingly. "You realize that you've become the enemy?" If she cared at all about her job, she thought she'd be upset by this news. Luckily, she didn't.

"I guess I have," Jim agreed before dropping his voice an octave. "You scared, Beesley?"

Pam's stomach fluttered. "Terrified."

"As you should be," Jim quipped.

"This is crazy! I can't believe you're coming back."

"Yeah, I know." A silence heavy with possibility hung between them. "Actually, it's pretty good timing. My old roommate, Mark, is having a party this weekend so I was thinking about coming for that anyway."

"That's cool," she laughed, "I forget that you still have friends here," she rolled her eyes as she realized the stupidity of her statement.

"Seriously, where do you think I am? Siberia?" Jim asked.

Pam laughed. "I don't know. I guess. It does get pretty cold there right?"

"I'll keep you posted."

"Thanks," Pam said, her laughter settling. "So do you have a weekend full of fun Scranton things planned?"

"Oh you bet. I'm definitely going to have to hit all the old haunts. Chili's, the dojo, Hooters, of course."

"Of course."

"Actually, I think the party is about the extent of my hoppin' Scranton weekend."

"Well, the Hooter's girls will miss you, but I'm sure you'll have fun anyway."

"Thanks." He couldn't resist: "Hey – the party's on Saturday night, why don't you come?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, definitely. I mean, you've met Mark, and his girlfriend Sarah, and well, that's probably it, but it'll be fun," he told her, wondering why he was trying to convince her.

"Okay," she said tentatively.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I'll come."

"Great!"

There was sort of an awkward pause as both thought about the fact that they'd see each other—in a non-work scenario—in two days.

"Well, I'll see you then I guess," Pam said.

"Yeah. Uh—anytime after 8."

"Okay."

"Alright. Bye, Pam."

"Bye Jim," Pam hung up the phone just as Michael came out of his office.

"Jim?" he asked. "Jim Halpert?"

"Yeah," Pam answered regretfully.

"Pam! Why didn't you put him through?" Michael wined.

"Oh. Well, he had to go. He wanted me to tell you that he's going to be here on Monday though," she lied.

"Here?" He asked, before a knowing smile came to his face. "They always come back to the Godfather, don't they?" Michael tried out a new nickname.

Pam just stared at him blankly. "Did you need something, Michael?"

Michael looked confused for a moment, obviously not actually having a purpose for leaving his office. "Well, now that you mention it, I wanted to talk to _you_."

"Why?" Pam asked, suspicious.

"Well," Michael leaned over Pam's desk and lowered his voice. Pam leaned away from him. "With Jim's return, I think there are some things we should talk about."

"That's okay," Pam said, wanting at all costs to avoid this conversation. "And Jim's just coming for the day."

"We'll see…" Michael said pointedly. Pam sighed and looked at her computer, hoping that he would leave. "You know, you could have something to do with this," Michael said, coming even closer to her and lowering his voice to a whisper, "seeing as how you played such a big part before…" He trailed off, raising his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about Michael?" Pam asked, exasperated.

"Well you know that I am Jim's most trusted confidant, and he told me," he looked around to make sure no one was listening in, "that _you_ rejected him and _that's_ why he left," he told her, looking extremely proud of himself.

"What?" She was shocked. "He told you that?"

"He sure did. So I was thinking, you're single, he's single…maybe it's time to rekindle things?"

"I really don't want to talk about this, Michael," Pam said firmly.

"Okay, okay. Just tryin' to help out my bro." Michael said as he retreated to his office, leaving Pam completely frozen at her desk, trying to process what he'd just said.

Was it true? If it was, _why_ had he told _Michael_? She didn't know whether to be sad or angry. She was both, and confused. She couldn't believe that she was the reason he'd left. Of course she'd suspected it, but to have _Michael,_ of all people, confirm it, left her feeling completely disillusioned.

There were so many things running through her mind right now. Jim, Stamford, Saturday. Branches absorbing, working together again? Leaving because of her, coming back because of her? _More than that…_

She felt tears coming to her eyes as she had worked herself up just with her own thoughts. Five minutes ago, she'd been ecstatic at the promise of seeing Jim in two days, now she was laden with guilt, anger, and sadness knowing that she'd been the one to push him away.

Most of all, she wondered what she'd say when she finally saw him.

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TBC…Review please!


	4. Real

Can't Forget You

By Carrie

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Okay, so the Branch Closing episode caught me a little off guard. For the purposes of this story, I'm going to say that things went pretty much the same as they did in the show, with the additions made in the fic. Nothing should change too drastically, but let me know if something doesn't make sense. Thanks everyone for the fabulous reviews!!

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Chapter 4: Real

Pam took a deep, shaky breath and glanced in her rearview mirror again, willing her face to look brighter. A continuous state of nervous anxiety over the past three days had made her look pale and grey. She smiled at her reflection, trying to bring some life to her face, and smoothed down her hair.

"_I hear Jim's coming back," _Phyllis's words rang in her mind for the hundredth time since she arrived in Jim's driveway.

The events of the past few days had been swirling around in her head constantly and were about to drive her to the brink of madness. Stamford—not Scranton—closing for some unknown reason, Jim moving back maybe, Roy's strange behavior…But out of everything she could be focusing on, she just kept thinking about the cryptic email she'd gotten from Jim on Friday.

_Hey Pam – _

_Everything's pretty hectic around here so I don't really have time to talk, but I'm still coming this weekend and to meet with Michael on Monday. I hope you'll still come to the party tomorrow – I think there are a lot of things we should talk about. _

_See you soon,_

_Jim_

"_There are a lot of things we should talk about?"_ What did that mean? He wants to talk about the branch closing? Him coming back? _Us? _She dared to hope. Michael's words to her days ago still plagued her and she was terrified that when she finally saw Jim, she would be so overwhelmed with what to say that she would just burst into tears.

She shook her head and let out a frustrated sigh as she got out of the car. She wasn't going to get any of the answers she was looking for just sitting there. She walked up to the door and thought about last time she'd been here – laughing at Jim and Michael's karaoke, joking around in his room. Things were so much simpler then. _Sort of…_

As she approached the door she could hear the noise from the party well under way. A final deep breath and she rang the doorbell. She didn't know why she'd expected Jim to open the door when he didn't even live there anymore, but she was caught off guard when she was greeted by his former roommate, Mark.

"Hey! Pam, right?" Before she even had a chance to answer, Mark had placed an arm around her shoulders and directed her inside. "So glad you could make it!" He said enthusiastically. Pam could tell he'd definitely already had a few drinks, as had most of the people at the party from the looks of things.

"Yeah, me too, thanks," she said, feeling slightly awkward seeing as she didn't know anyone there.

Mark continued to guide her through the crowd. "I know Jim'll be excited to see you," he said, a knowing smile on his face.

Suddenly, there he was, talking animatedly to a group of people about five steps away from her. If she hadn't frozen the moment she saw him, she probably would have crashed right into him. "Jim!" Mark caught his attention, "Your girl's here!" He gave her a light pat on the back and disappeared into the crowd, leaving her stuck in place, eyes locked on Jim.

She watched him as if in slow motion. His hands dropped to his sides as he gave Mark an exasperated glance. He excused himself from the conversation and began to scan the crowd for her, surprised when he saw her right in front of him. He gave her an easy smile and her dear-caught-in-the-headlights expression relaxed into a grin of her own. He closed the distance between them in one large stride and paused in front of her for a moment.

There they were, together for the first time in months, neither able to do anything but give each other goofy smiles. Finally, Pam spoke. "Hey," she said so quietly she didn't even know if it came out. In less than a second, Jim had gathered her up in an all-consuming hug. His long arms wrapped all the way around her so his fingers practically grazed her stomach and he held her so tight she thought that if he straightened up, he'd take her with him.

"It's really good to see you," he said softly, still holding her.

"You too," she replied, the intensity of the moment already causing her eyes to well. Enveloped in his arms she reveled in everything that was _Jim._ The smell of his clothes, how tiny she felt in his arms, the _feel_ of him. She didn't know if she could stay this way much longer without completely falling apart. She pulled back slightly and just as quickly as he'd taken her, he released her.

The stood with not more than six inches between them and took each other in, not knowing where to start. "So, want a drink?" Jim offered, thinking he needed something to take his attention off of her before he completely lost it.

"Definitely," Pam said eagerly.

They made their way through the crowd into the kitchen and Jim grabbed a couple beers. He cocked his head at her and she nodded as he opened them both and handed one to her. "Thanks," she said, "What should we drink to?"

"Hmm," Jim scratched his head, "how about to Dunder Mifflin Northeast," Pam raised an eyebrow and tilted her bottle towards his. Jim continued. "And, the new Managing Supervisor."

Pam's smile faltered. "You?" He nodded, slightly nervous to see her reaction. "Oh my gosh! That's amazing!" She lit up and without even thinking she threw her arms around him. "Congratulations!" Jim was surprised but gave her a squeeze before letting her go.

"Well that's definitely something to toast to!" Pam said. Their bottles clinked and they each took a long sip, contemplating their next words.

Pam spoke first. "So, you're moving back?" she asked, not really believing that this was happening.

"I'm moving back," Jim replied, nodding, but keeping eye contact as if daring her to challenge this fact. Pam knew she should say something now.

_Tell him you're happy he's coming back. Tell him these months without him have been miserable. Tell him that this is what you've been dreaming about since he left. Tell him you made a mistake. Tell him everything you've wanted to for the past five months. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him you love him. _

In the end, all she managed was a "It'll be nice having you back," and a smile. The look on Jim's face told her that it wasn't really what he wanted to hear. She gathered up more courage than she knew she had and added, "I've really missed you." She couldn't even look at him, and concentrated on pawing at an invisible piece of dirt with her shoe.

Jim's heart thudded loudly in his chest. He couldn't even speak, he just watched her, remembering everything he loved about her. _Still love_. "I've missed you too," he told her. She braved a glance at him and her heart broke when she saw the hurt, longing, fear, but most of all _love_ in his eyes.

He just drank her in, noticing every subtle difference about her. The image of her in her blue dress on casino night would be forever burned into his memory, but he thought this one might just be as well. She'd traded in her Keds for a pair of simple flats, her jeans were tight, but not too imprudent—just enough to flatter her small frame. Her shirt was a deep red and he didn't think he'd ever seen it before. It was lower cut than he'd ever seen on her, but she toned it down with a black shirt underneath. Her hair was straighter and shinier than he remembered, and she wore it down instead of pulled back in a barrette. As she continued toeing the floor, he noticed the small smile on her face and he didn't know if she'd ever looked more beautiful.

Suddenly she looked up and Jim was embarrassed to be caught looking at her. She noticed his gaze, "What?" she asked.

He smiled, "You've changed."

She looked confused for a moment. "What do you mean? No I haven't," she said, not knowing whether he thought she'd changed for the good.

"You have. I don't know what it is, but you have." He said, trying to figure out what it was about her that was different. "You look great, Pam," he told her earnestly. "You look happy."

She met his eyes and his gaze hit her like a truck, emotion flowing over her. "I am," she said simply. "You look good too." She tipped her bottle all the way back and finished off the last of her beer.

"Woah there, Beesley," Jim warned her, "We have a strict policy not to over serve here and I will not hesitate to cut you off."

Pam laughed, glad that the mood had shifted. "Suck it, Halpert," she quipped, grabbing another beer from the bucket.

They stayed in the kitchen, talking, catching up. Jim told her about what had happened with Josh and Jan's fit. Pam told him about Michael's plan to confront the CEO. Jim talked about Andy from Cornell, Pam caught him up on Dwight and Angela. They kept the topics light, not mentioning broken engagements or transfers or dates.

Eventually, Mark stumbled into the kitchen. "Jim, man, this is ridiculous. Where have you _been?_"

Jim laughed at his drunk friend, "Right here, man."

"You gotta get out there. I mean, Pam, you're beautiful, but this guy's been gone for five months and has been hiding in here for the past two hours," Mark complained.

"Alright, alright, I'll go be social," Jim caved. "Sorry," he told Pam.

"It's fine," she assured him. "Go – talk to your friends."

"Yeah man, I'll take care of her," Mark told him, putting an arm around Pam and giving Jim a shove out of the kitchen.

"Don't listen to a word he says!" Jim shouted as he left.

Pam laughed and wriggled out of Mark's arm to get another beer. "So is Jim going to move back in here?"

Mark nodded, "Yeah, I guess so. Most of his crap is still here anyway – he got all new stuff when he moved."

"Hm," Pam leaned against the counter opposite Mark, "How come?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Wanted a fresh start, I guess." Pam nodded, thinking about it words. "I'm actually kind of surprised he's coming back," Mark said, his tone saying more than his words.

"Why? It's a great opportunity," Pam stressed, not wanting to think about the reasons behind Jim's transfers.

"Yeah, I guess. He just—" Mark stopped and looked at Pam for a moment, as if deciding if he wanted to continue. Through his drunken haze, he managed to find some clarity. "You know that you're the reason he left, right?"

Pam's heart plummeted. This was not what she wanted to hear, especially from Jim's drunk roommate. "Well, I mean," she stumbled over her words, "not the _only _reason," she tried to rationalize.

Mark just shrugged again. "Yeah, well, he was just in a really bad place when he left—kind of a mess actually—and I thought he was really serious about starting over," Mark theorized. Pam just nodded along, afraid that if she spoke, she would just burst into tears. Mark shook his head and refocused. "Well, whatever, I guess he's over it."

"Yeah," Pam breathed, feeling a little shaky.

Mark noticed her unease and regretted his words. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just – well, you knew how Jim felt about you," he said. Pam just nodded back. "Look, Jim's right – don't listen to me. You guys seem fine now."

Pam didn't have the strength to reply. She just stayed in place as Mark made his quiet exit. Across the room, she saw Jim laughing with some of his friends. He _looked_ happy enough. Had she really hurt him that badly? As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she knew that she had.

Suddenly she was assaulted by memories: every longing stare he'd ever given her, his support when she wanted to pursue art, his face when he confessed his feelings, the hurt she'd seen in his eyes tonight, _his kiss._ They all hit her like a ton of bricks and she felt like such a hypocrite for even being there that she had to get out.

She dumped her beer in the trash and headed out of the kitchen. Her eyes already tearing, she just caught Jim's eye for a second and motioned she was leaving. His wrinkled brow of concern just made her move faster. She bumped into a guilty-looking Mark as she was opening the door and thanked him for the party. She could tell that he was going to try to apologize again but she brushed him off and launched herself out the door. The cold air attacked her lungs and she finally allowed her tears to flow freely.

She was halfway to her car when she heard the door open, followed by his voice. "Pam!" Jim called after her. She didn't stop. She had just reached her door when she felt his hand on her arm.

"Pam, what's going on? Why are you leaving?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

She wiped at her eyes furiously, failing miserably at concealing the evidence since she knew her eyes must be beet red. "I'm tired," she said, slowly turning around, but refusing to look him in the eye. "Go back to the party – really, I'm fine," she urged, trying to wish him away.

Even in the dark he could see that she'd been crying. He ducked his head to her level, drawing her eyes to his. He shook his head in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, trying to move away from him, "I'm just tired," she repeated.

He wasn't buying it. "Pam, come on. Tell me what's going on. Did Mark say something?"

Pam hesitated for a second. "No, Mark's fine. I just have to go."

Jim was starting to get frustrated. "It was Mark? What'd he say?"

"What? Nothing!" Pam insisted. She moved away from him and started digging for her keys adding, under her breath, "…nothing I didn't know already."

"What? Pam!" He went after her, trapping her between himself and her car. "What are you talking about?" He was practically shouting now.

Pam snapped. "I'm the reason you left!" she yelled.

Jim was stunned. "What?" He took a step back from her. "Did Mark tell you that?"

Pam looked down, not wanting him to see her tears. "And Michael," she said softly. Jim didn't speak. She squeezed her eyes closed and asked softly, "Is it true?" He didn't respond so she looked up at him. Now it was his turn to stare at the ground. "Am I the reason you left?" She couldn't handle his silence. She touched his arm lightly, "Jim," she pleaded.

He stepped back from her, breaking contact. He walked a little ways away from her before pacing back and meeting her eyes. "What do you want me to say, Pam?" He asked her softly.

She just shrugged, not daring to ask for what she really wanted to hear him say. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, walking away from her. He stopped a few paces away and tried to reclaim his calm. He realized that the alcohol they'd had tonight probably wouldn't make this conversation go very smoothly.

He still had his back to her when she spoke. "So why are you coming back?"

He laughed a little, still wondering that same thing himself. He turned towards her and noticed she was now sitting on the hood of her car. He walked over and joined her.

"As much as I hate it, my career is paper," he laughed slightly at how depressing that sounded. "I just couldn't turn down this opportunity. It has nothing to do with you."

Although she knew that he'd been trying to reassure her with his words, they only made her feel worse. She just nodded. "Right," she said sadly.

They sat for a moment, breathing off their little fight. "So I don't think Mark likes me very much," Pam said hesitantly.

Jim just shook his head and glanced toward his once-again house. "That's not true," he said, trying to find the right words. "He's just a little surprised that I'm moving back—especially so soon."

"Yeah, he said that."

"Look, don't worry about whatever Mark said. He doesn't know what he's talking about," Jim told her, sliding off the car. He started to walk away and Pam knew she couldn't leave it like this. She got off of the car and went after him.

"He also said that you were in a really bad place when you left," she baited him.

He stopped where he was and turned to face her with a defeated expression. "Let's not do this," he said, trying to reason with her.

She didn't know if it was the alcohol making her bolder, or just knowing that she didn't have much to lose, but she kept pushing. "You were a mess?"

He didn't understand why she was doing this. "Pam, come on. I don't want to do this. Yeah, last spring wasn't a great time for me, but can we just put it behind us? Move on?" He was practically begging her.

"Have you?" She asked.

"What?"

"Moved on?"

Jim just stared at her. Should he lie—tell her he's been dating someone? Should he tell the truth—that not a second's gone by that he hasn't thought about her? "Why are you doing this, Pam? Why can't we just go back to the way it was before? I promise, I'm over it."

Pam nodded, but something about the way he was trying to throw her off told her that he didn't really mean his words. After all, he'd told her he was over her once before and that turned out to be a lie. She watched him running his hands through his hair, looking so unhappy. She went for it: "I'm not," she said softly.

Jim froze. He slowly looked up to meet her eyes. "_What?_"

"I'm not," she repeated. "Over it—over you."

He was stunned. Never in a million years had he expected this. "What are you saying?" He asked her tentatively, considering his penchant for "misinterpreting" things.

She was silent, not really knowing what should come next. She took a step back and bumped up against the side of her car.

"Pam," he took a step forward her, "What did you mean by that?" He had to know.

Suddenly all her brazen courage was gone. She hadn't expected it to come to this, and she suddenly realized that she had no idea what she was doing. "I—," she couldn't form a single word. Jim's gaze seared into her as he took another step forward. His eyes demanded answers she couldn't give him and she simply looked away.

He let out a defeated sigh and moved away. He started to turn around and panic struck her at the thought of him leaving. Instinctively she reached for his hand. "Jim, wait."

He looked down at their adjoined hands. "What?" he asked softly.

Not knowing how to tell him how she really felt, she reached and took his other hand in hers, pulling him slightly towards her. Only inches away from her, she found herself eye level with his second button. She released his hands and placed hers on his chest. "I'm sorry," she said softly, "I never should have let you go."

Finally looking up at him, she saw all the hurt and pain she'd seen all night had been replaced with a hunger she'd never seen before. Before she even knew what was happening, his lips were on hers. His mouth claimed hers with all the passion of their first kiss, but with less hesitation. She kissed him back with all she had – telling him with her kiss what she couldn't with her words. Her hands moved up around his neck and she ran her fingers through his hair before moving them down to his back, pulling him tighter to her. His body was firm as it was flush to hers as he pushed her back against the car. His hands seemed to be everywhere and if it weren't for a serious lack of oxygen, she would have kissed him forever.

Reluctantly, she tore her lips from him and tried to catch her breath. He leaned against her, placing his hands on the car to brace himself and ducking his head to rest it next to hers.

"Please don't tell me you're getting married," he joked, only half kidding.

She laughed—hard. A different kind of tears were streaming down her face by the time she composed herself to speak. She pushed him back so he'd look at her. "I'm _not_ getting married," she told him.

He smiled, "Thank God."

She reached up and pulled him in for another kiss, feeling his smile against her lips. The second kiss was light and quick – as if to reassure each other that the first one actually happened.

"This can't be real," Jim said as he pulled away from her.

"Feels pretty real," Pam responded, threading her fingers through his.

"So is this—?" He didn't even finish before Pam answered.

"Yeah, I think so."

They were quiet for a moment, just content to be with each other.

Jim broke the silence. "You know that I'm your boss now, right?" His light tone overshadowed his serious words.

"Does that mean I have to call you Mr. Halpert?" She teased.

He shook his head, "No. Wait—actually I kinda like that."

She slapped him playfully on the chest, and let her hand rest there. He picked it up and kissed the spot where her thumb met her hand. "Do you want to come back in?" He asked hopefully.

She glanced behind him at the house and shook her head. "I think I should probably get going. I don't want to tempt fate."

"Fair enough," he agreed. He walked her around to the driver's side of the car and opened the door. "You're okay to drive?" he asked.

"I think at this point I'm pretty sober," she assured him, pleased at the smile she saw on his face. She reached up and gave him another kiss.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" He asked, still a little unsure of what they were doing here.

"You better," she told him. "Goodnight, Mr. Halpert."

He laughed. "Goodnight, Pam," he said before closing her door.

He watched her drive away before heading back into the house wondering how his night had turned around so drastically. He wasn't really sure what'd they'd started tonight, but it was _something_. All he knew was he couldn't _wait_ to find out.

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TBC…? Please review! I have some more written but I'm not sure if I should keep going…let me know!


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